Squiggly Skill Sprint Day 16: Conflict

It’s day 16 of the Squiggly Careers sprint, and today’s topic is dealing with conflict https://www.amazingif.com/listen/skills-sprint-conflict/

This is a topic where I think I need to reflect a bit more on myself, as I can see two sides of this for me, reflected in the two ideas for action for Helen and Sarah suggested.

The first was to reframe the conversation into more positives, such as replacing “conflict” with “curiosity”, or “difficult” with “different”. Reflecting back, I think I naturally reframe in these ways. I assume that someone is on the level and coming at things from a different frame of mind until they prove me otherwise.

I have had a lot of recommendations from peers, on this very platform, that talk about me being level-headed & collaborative, and I often find myself being cast or defined as a peacemaker, an intermediary, or a diplomat.I think this frame of mind can help when the conflict is not so overt and direct.

Conversely, the other reframe was to have ways to defuse the situation when we do have a situation, and this is where one can see challenges, especially when the conflict is one-on-one and you are surprised by it.

There is a concept from the military called the OODA loop, which is basically how you observe the situation and make decisions about next steps. There is a theory from martial arts and self defence that the defender is always at the disadvantage because the attacker has already made their mind up to attack, and on some level is aware of the consequences. The defender has to observe the situation, decide on what to do, and act. While they are deciding if a situation is dangerous, a misunderstanding, or an accident, the attacker can get their shots in.

I may be putting my martial arts background onto these, but I can’t help but see these questions as the standard blocks & redirects, which are always there for you to use. That way, if a situation is getting out of hand, you can use them to calm things down & buy yourself some time to orient yourself without being on the defensive all the time.

So, 16 days into the sprint, and I finally got my first martial arts metaphor in…